I am fortunate or unfortunate?

**buttercarp** · 10-10-12, 09:57

Originally Posted by zeamybro

Let me share a true story of a personal friend.

She is an avg NUS grad, and her husband-to-be owns a 3BR PC which is partially paid by his parents (after selling their HDB), and part of the monthly mortgage is paid using his CPF. This means that she would not be able to apply for a HDB flat with him, and she would also not get a share of the PC.

Well some gals in her shoes would be more than happy to have a PC to stay in after getting married. However, she felt the situation was rather unfair to her as unlike her peers, she would not be given a chance to start growing her own assets (HDB in this case) even though she could well afford it.

So ...what happend in the end?
Please continue the story... i am waiting......

**Laguna** · 10-10-12, 09:58

Originally Posted by buttercarp

So ...what happend in the end?
Please continue the story... i am waiting......

Me too, but I feel, it is not going to be a happy relationship

**buttercarp** · 10-10-12, 10:03

Originally Posted by Laguna

Me too, but I feel, it is not going to be a happy relationship

So Laguna, how about your children?
Next time when they are about to start a relationship, they must make it clear they are owners of private properties.

**Laguna** · 10-10-12, 10:08

Originally Posted by buttercarp

So Laguna, how about your children?
Next time when they are about to start a relationship, they must make it clear they are owners of private properties.

yes, this is one of my worst concerns. When come to money, most relationships take a discount.

**ysyap** · 10-10-12, 10:10

Originally Posted by zeamybro

Let me share a true story of a personal friend.

She is an avg NUS grad, and her husband-to-be owns a 3BR PC which is partially paid by his parents (after selling their HDB), and part of the monthly mortgage is paid using his CPF. This means that she would not be able to apply for a HDB flat with him, and she would also not get a share of the PC.

Well some gals in her shoes would be more than happy to have a PC to stay in after getting married. However, she felt the situation was rather unfair to her as unlike her peers, she would not be given a chance to start growing her own assets (HDB in this case) even though she could well afford it.

Ask the guy's parents to take back the condo. This husband to be must consider for the wife and parents also mah... Husband can still finance parents' condo using cash. He then use his cpf with wife's cpf to finance that hdb lor... Having said that, there might still be other reasons restricting them so cannot assume.

**buttercarp** · 10-10-12, 10:14

Originally Posted by ysyap

Ask the guy's parents to take back the condo. This husband to be must consider for the wife and parents also mah... Husband can still finance parents' condo using cash. He then use his cpf with wife's cpf to finance that hdb lor... Having said that, there might still be other reasons restricting them so cannot assume.

If I were the girl, I would be unhappy cos why should my husband pay for a condo not under his name and let his parents stay in it while we stay in HDB.

Either way, I think that relationship is screwed up.

**zeamybro** · 10-10-12, 10:23

The condo has his name, which is why he is financing using his monthly CPF. And becos of this, he cant buy a HDB immediately even after selling the PC.

Anyway, they got married eventually, and she has moved in to the PC, but not before experiencing quite a fair bit of emotional distress ie. asking HDB if she could buy a unit just using her own name, and proposing her husband to sell the PC so that they could buy a new one which she could regard as "truely her own", but end up upsetting the PIL.

**Emma** · 10-10-12, 10:27

because your husband is a filial son who is not so calculative with his own parents?

Originally Posted by buttercarp

If I were the girl, I would be unhappy cos why should my husband pay for a condo not under his name and let his parents stay in it while we stay in HDB.

Either way, I think that relationship is screwed up.

**eng81157** · 10-10-12, 10:38

Originally Posted by zeamybro

The condo has his name, which is why he is financing using his monthly CPF. And becos of this, he cant buy a HDB immediately even after selling the PC.

Anyway, they got married eventually, and she has moved in to the PC, but not before experiencing quite a fair bit of emotional distress ie. asking HDB if she could buy a unit just using her own name, and proposing her husband to sell the PC so that they could buy a new one which she could regard as "truely her own", but end up upsetting the PIL.

on the bright side, at least the husband isn't yowetan!

make the parents, parents-in-law sell their places to fund his PC purchase and squeeze 7/8 adults, 2 kids, 2 dogs into a 3BR unit.

**yowetan** · 10-10-12, 11:04

Originally Posted by eng81157

on the bright side, at least the husband isn't yowetan!

make the parents, parents-in-law sell their places to fund his PC purchase and squeeze 7/8 adults, 2 kids, 2 dogs into a 3BR unit.

Hi..correction - I do not sell their properties; I am merely getting their rental income.

**ysyap** · 10-10-12, 11:05

Originally Posted by buttercarp

If I were the girl, I would be unhappy cos why should my husband pay for a condo not under his name and let his parents stay in it while we stay in HDB.

Either way, I think that relationship is screwed up.

Well I would think of it as the parents sold their only hdb to help buy this PC. Remember the son has to balance between wife and parents... its always a tricky business but necessary nonetheless!

**ysyap** · 10-10-12, 11:07

Originally Posted by zeamybro

The condo has his name, which is why he is financing using his monthly CPF. And becos of this, he cant buy a HDB immediately even after selling the PC.

Anyway, they got married eventually, and she has moved in to the PC, but not before experiencing quite a fair bit of emotional distress ie. asking HDB if she could buy a unit just using her own name, and proposing her husband to sell the PC so that they could buy a new one which she could regard as "truely her own", but end up upsetting the PIL.

PIL relationship with DIL is always a delicate and sensitive one! Husband should be the one to step in and make the decision to move out or not... don't drag the wife and then sour relationship!!!

**leftfield** · 10-10-12, 11:11

Originally Posted by yowetan

Hi..correction - I do not sell their properties; I am merely getting their rental income.

Need to do things step by step. First get them to give up rental income, once mental block is removed, only a matter of time before you get them to sell their flats and handover the sales proceeds on a platter.

**Regulators** · 10-10-12, 11:11

You are the type of father I really dream of having, unfortunately my father is nowhere close to that coz everything I own comes from myself. Good for your kids

Originally Posted by Laguna

Yes, I fully agreed with u on all these points, that is why I am saying whether I am fortunate or unfortunate.

I assessed my children, the chances of getting divorce is not remote. So I place most of my assets under trust which will take care of their divorce. If not, register their marriage in US and state clear all terms.

I personally will not get my children to commit to BTO, and I don't think it is a privilege as well. There is no free lunch, u need to forgo at least 8 years of freedom in property investment.

I will foot 30-40% as downpayment, then rental should be able to take care of the rest.

I will also make it clear to my children that to safeguard their interest, never never include their spouse's name in the property.

**Secretariat** · 10-10-12, 11:17

Originally Posted by leftfield

Need to do things step by step. First get them to give up rental income, once mental block is removed, only a matter of time before you get them to sell their flats and handover the sales proceeds on a platter.

Don't know who is the devil

**zeamybro** · 10-10-12, 11:23

Originally Posted by ysyap

Well I would think of it as the parents sold their only hdb to help buy this PC. Remember the son has to balance between wife and parents... its always a tricky business but necessary nonetheless!

Ya agree. Parents prob acted out of kindness, selling their HDB and hoping their son (and future DIL) will have a better life staying in a PC. But they overlook the part that the DIL would feel short-changed, cos she is not contented just having to stay in a PC, but she wants to her own (and grow) her own asset.

**buttercarp** · 10-10-12, 11:32

Originally Posted by zeamybro

Ya agree. Parents prob acted out of kindness, selling their HDB and hoping their son (and future DIL) will have a better life staying in a PC. But they overlook the part that the DIL would feel short-changed, cos she is not contented just having to stay in a PC, but she wants to her own (and grow) her own asset.

In summary, his parents screwed up his life unknowingly!

**roly8** · 10-10-12, 11:38

my take is if $$ is the major factor surrounding a marriage, the chance of divorce is high ....

$$ cannot overtake true love between the couple .. they can rather live in small 3rm flat and still be happy..

putting name under private property doesn't mean anything to them.. these are

**carbuncle** · 10-10-12, 11:47

if you date or marry a mummys boy, you will never truly own him (or his assets)

deal with it, stupid b**** lol (sarcasm intended)

**nav14** · 10-10-12, 11:56

Originally Posted by richwang

The next move will be restricting foreigners to buy properties in Singapore (and no credit for them.) Just look at what is happening in Hong Kong.

My French friend who is sitting on cash is very panic now. Two kids going to school - very expensive. Property upside is uncertain - cannot commit to buy, but rental is so high - burning cash, so he is thinking of renting HDB now.

Thanks,
Richard

In fact with the latest CM I am surprised how come no outcry that it favours the rich and foreigners. Time to increase stamp duty for foreign buyers whose numbers are increasing again to 20%?

**nav14** · 10-10-12, 12:10

Originally Posted by fclim

I would think about the following issues before buying under my children's names:

1. Should I burden them with a huge loan at such a young age? I would prefer they buy something that they can truly afford. But, I can help with some initial payments. Maybe buy BTO first. It is a citizen's privilege.

2. There was a story of a 87 yo man suing his wife for a house bought in her name. http://www.straitstimes.com/breaking...house-20120919. So, if things do turn sour years down the road, you must be prepared to lose the house.

3. The children may fight over the property. Sometimes, it may not be your children, but their spouse and their spouse family. Even if you have willed the house (which I am not sure is possible since it is in their names), there is nothing to stop them from fighting over it since it was bought with your money, which they will contest for their rights as your biological children.

4. For some reason or other, if any of the children divorce, you must be prepared to lose 50% of the house to his/her spouse.

If I help out my kids to buy a home and pay 20% or more downpayment for them for a PC I will insist that my name be included in the property and have that equivalent 20% share. It should not be seen as easy money. Tell them my 20% share will become theirs after my death and will be included in the will. The problem with many parents is that they are willing to sell their only HDB apt to help their kids fulfill their dream of buying a PC hoping that one of them will take care of them forever and many get played out.

**Regulators** · 10-10-12, 12:14

i know one such case where parents used the condo as collateral to borrow money from the bank for the son to do business, the business went bust and parents forced to liquidate condo and rent hdb elsewhere. I know the son as a fked up guy who always sponge on parents and take advantage of them just because they are uneducated hawkers

Originally Posted by nav14

If I help out my kids to buy a home and pay 20% or more downpayment for them for a PC I will insist that my name be included in the property and have that equivalent 20% share. It should not be seen as easy money. Tell them my 20% share will become theirs after my death and will be included in the will. The problem with many parents is that they are willing to sell their only HDB apt to help their kids fulfill their dream of buying a PC hoping that one of them will take care of them forever and many get played out.

**auroraborealis** · 10-10-12, 12:45

Parents over-riding r/ship between spouse... Typical Singaporean
Perhaps the spouse already has plans for asset accumulation n can well afford.

In this case, spouse can't buy hdb becos partner has condo with parents. Spouse can't enjoy 80% LTV with partner becos partner has loan with parents... The spouse-to-be wld think twice at being treated unfairly

So at the end of the day... Parents just wish to bind their kids to them, explains the low marriage rate with such mentality

Originally Posted by buttercarp

Sometimes it is easier said than done without causing heartbreak.
Some spouse will say that it is equivalent as to not loving and trusting them if their name is not included.

**irisng** · 10-10-12, 12:46

Originally Posted by buttercarp

Yup, the new MAS ruling applies to bank loan, HDB is not bank loan, so not affected.

Thank you.

**roly8** · 10-10-12, 12:53

Originally Posted by Regulators

i know one such case where parents used the condo as collateral to borrow money from the bank for the son to do business, the business went bust and parents forced to liquidate condo and rent hdb elsewhere. I know the son as a fked up guy who always sponge on parents and take advantage of them just because they are uneducated hawkers

got such heartless son .. never think of his parent's future

**rymccondo77** · 10-10-12, 13:15

"Fathers (and Mothers) do not exasperate (frustrate) your children.

Children honour your father and mother."

I feel that it is important that parents should support their children (not necessarily financial suport but other forms of support count too e.g. encouragement and understanding), and that children must honour their father and mother through looking and caring for their needs.

**auroraborealis** · 10-10-12, 13:22

I think that shld b a typical mum's (rather MIL) mentality... Most rich dads won't care much, including daughter-in-law name or not, it's usu the women who has such issues

Originally Posted by Regulators

You are the type of father I really dream of having, unfortunately my father is nowhere close to that coz everything I own comes from myself. Good for your kids

**fclim** · 10-10-12, 14:10

Originally Posted by Laguna

I will also make it clear to my children that to safeguard their interest, never never include their spouse's name in the property.

I wouldn't do that if I were you. It will only add stress to the relationship between your children and their spouse. If for daughter, maybe son-in-law may not mind. But, if for son, I am 99% sure the wife will mind. She will also want to protect her children too in case the husband goes astray and will the house to the other woman eventually. Not unless she is extremely rich herself.

If I were to pay for my children's house in their name, I would treat the house as a gift in the true sense of the word; unconditional and free from all encumbrances. My children will be free to deal with it as they deem fit. If they decide to divorce later, they will have to live with the consequences of their decision. But, I won't sell my house to finance theirs and live with them.

**cnud** · 10-10-12, 17:44

Originally Posted by fclim

I wouldn't do that if I were you. It will only add stress to the relationship between your children and their spouse. If for daughter, maybe son-in-law may not mind. But, if for son, I am 99% sure the wife will mind. She will also want to protect her children too in case the husband goes astray and will the house to the other woman eventually. Not unless she is extremely rich herself.

If I were to pay for my children's house in their name, I would treat the house as a gift in the true sense of the word; unconditional and free from all encumbrances. My children will be free to deal with it as they deem fit. If they decide to divorce later, they will have to live with the consequences of their decision. But, I won't sell my house to finance theirs and live with them.

Similar sentiments. But nav14 approach also good. If pay for them, I expect the 20% to be captured.

**Laguna** · 10-10-12, 18:15

Originally Posted by fclim

I wouldn't do that if I were you. It will only add stress to the relationship between your children and their spouse. If for daughter, maybe son-in-law may not mind. But, if for son, I am 99% sure the wife will mind. She will also want to protect her children too in case the husband goes astray and will the house to the other woman eventually. Not unless she is extremely rich herself.

If I were to pay for my children's house in their name, I would treat the house as a gift in the true sense of the word; unconditional and free from all encumbrances. My children will be free to deal with it as they deem fit. If they decide to divorce later, they will have to live with the consequences of their decision. But, I won't sell my house to finance theirs and live with them.

yes, you have a valid point which I have overlooked.
human relationship is the most difficult game to play with

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