i have same problem. my relatives who are followers of the big J are damn fanatic,refuse to hold incense. The only son also refuse to lead the procession.
I was thinking along the lines.
why dont they just hold joss sticks, follow the motion, only as a form of respect, follow tradition but not actual prayer. if they have done that, then everybody would be happy isn't it.
holding josstick does not equate praying other big G.
leading funeral procession does not equate praying to other big G.
don't know what is more important to the children, the parents who birth them, cared for them, love them or
the image of them being followers of big J. since i would think the big J would not mind since the main message in NT is love.